My seventh round of chemo was not easy on me…but I made it, finally to better days. Taxol is evil. I start out good…steroids make me think, oh this won’t be too bad. Thursday after treatment, I’m feeling great! I’m able to head into work, take Nicholas to the dentist and finish getting my house ready for Easter. The pain started earlier this time. My neck and shoulders were very sore Thursday night. It radiated down into my arms and abdomen. Oh how it hurt to even move. I put heat on my neck and shoulders and went to bed. I woke up Friday morning, just dragging. It felt like the flu x10. Our spring break started Friday, so I didn’t have to get up early or go to work. Thankfully my brother was still here to help with the boys and my mom arrived Friday evening. Saturday started the leg pain…the dreaded leg pain. It’s hard to describe the pain. It’s in my hips, my knees, my ankles. And the pain just radiates up and down my legs. There’s no getting comfortable, no matter how I sit or lay. And it doesn’t stop. The pill bottle came out Saturday afternoon because I was at my limit and wanted to be able to enjoy having my family here for Easter. I was irritable, grouchy and felt I was being mean to everyone. The medication helped. It calmed me, took the edge off the pain and I was able to sit with my family for Easter lunch. Along with the pain, I’m noticing I’m much more emotional with this round of treatment. Tuesday and Wednesday were days full of anxiety and crying. My mind went to thoughts I didn’t like thinking. My positive attitude was gone. We didn’t plan anything for spring break this year and I kept thinking what if this is the last spring break I’ll be here to spend with the boys. I wanted to plan little day trips everyday but the boys wanted to stay home. I took it as they didn’t want to hang out with me, they didn’t need Mom. Tony had to work all week, so I’m home alone with the boys who would rather play on their own or with friends. The neighborhood is pretty quiet because a lot of neighbors went somewhere fun for the week. The weather was gloomy with rain every day. And did I mention the pain? It was a very, very hard two days. I’m not use to crying that much. Turns out, anxiety/depression is just another side effect of Taxol to deal with. Awesome. But I know it’s only temporary. I woke up this morning feeling pretty good. My bone pain was pretty much gone until this evening, now that I’m settling down. My legs are in some pain, but so much better then earlier this week. My thoughts are back on the positive side. Friday is suppose to be a day of sunshine. Tony was able to get the day off, so we are planning a family trip to the zoo. I’m very much looking forward to it, I love our zoo! The boys are excited too, I think…😉
So here’s to a great Friday and weekend. I’m going to turn these last few days around and make the most of the days I have left until my next and FINAL treatment on Wednesday. I am so, so, so excited to be done with chemo! I have to feel bad one more time…then no more. My hair will start to grow, yay!! I’m very much looking forward to not having to wear a hat or scarf, especially now that it’s getting warm. Warm weather, hats and hot flashes do not go together. At all. I still have some eyebrows and lashes left. They are definitely thinner but ohhh they are there. I pray they hang on during this last treatment. And when it’s over, they become thicker and longer then before! I’m so thankful my eyebrows and lashes have remained. I think losing those would have been worse then losing my hair. I can hide the fact I have no hair with a wig or hats and scarves. But you can’t hide the fact there are no brows or lashes for your eyes. I mean yeah, you can draw on some brows and get fake lashes. But it’s not the same. Nothing cancer takes from you is ever the same. We shall see if my hair comes back the same. I’m praying it does. My body is different now because of cancer. I am soft. I do not like it. I’ve lost most of my muscle tone due to lack of exercise. I will get it back though when I have the energy to go through a work out. Right now all my energy goes into saving my life. My breasts will never be the same. I will get a nice new set when radiation and all that is done. But again, just one more thing cancer took from me. I didn’t choose cancer. And all the ups and downs that has come with it. I loved that my metabolism was still going strong and I could run and exercise and keep up with my boys. Cancer took that from me. But cancer will not win. I will run again. I will be able to keep up with my boys…take them hiking and go on long bike rides. Play basketball in the driveway. Do the mundane everyday housework without getting tired after wiping down a bathroom. I will not be benched much longer. This is my life, cancer. You can’t have it.